I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
