you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
