I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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