Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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