I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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