Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
