i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
