Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
