Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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