You can't motorboat a personality
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
