i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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