filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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