I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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