Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
