We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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