haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
