i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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