My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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