also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
