You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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