I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
