No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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