It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
