come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
