Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They took my balls.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
