Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just google imaged poop.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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