dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
