Well douche your snatch and let's go!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
