She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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