There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
