i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
