my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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