Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
