I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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