We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
