Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
