There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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