I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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