Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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