Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
