I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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