Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
