I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
