You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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