Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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