im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
