I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
