Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
