Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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