Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
