I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
