He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
